Recently I tried to enlist- army, navy, and air force all turned me down. Said I’m too old. I really wanted to join JAG. No negotiating. No discussing. Just “No.”

The army offered to let me join as a doctor- but it would have to be some special exception because after all- I’m too old.

In contrast the 17-24 year olds in the US are too stupid, too fat, have too many kids or use too many drugs. And of course there’s the don’t ask don’t tell problem…

I don’t feel so bad being turned down. At least I’m not that fat…

I know it’s common practice for fishermen to catch and release their prey. I seems to make them feel superior to an ancient animal with a brain half the size of a pea when they outwit the fish.

Police work, in contrast, is not supposed to be based on the same principle, even if the alleged perpetrator has a fish-sized brain. This woman:

Don't taze me bro'

was recently arrested in Cincinnati. She managed to slip out of her handcuffs several times after which the police decided she needed a little electrical “persuasion.” They tazed her. She was later released from jail because of overcrowding.

OK, I’ll bite. Why bother to arrest folks if they can’t keep ‘em. Why not just write them a ticket. Or better yet make them stand in the corner of Cincinnati.

OK, I can’t improve on the title. The whole thing is NSFW. The table below is from the link at BoingBoing.

Enjoy. The comments are priceless.

We are not alone...

Read the whole post here.

Illegal aliens are upset by being called, well, aliens. I’m not sure why since they are, in fact, both.

Take me to your leader, I mean costume party.

The rather tasteless halloween costume above has caused a kerfuffle at some retailers. Now I’ll admit that I personally object to the costume but I object for different reasons:
First, it’s probably not a good idea to let your kids think it’s “cool” to wear prison clothes. It’s not. Prison sucks. It’s where offenders live.
Second, not all extraterrestrials are imprisoned.
Third, not all aliens are extraterrestrials.

Perhaps the most tasteless and ironic is this one:

No caption can make this one right.

Yes that’s a Weimaraner. Think about it…

I won’t bother to comment on the dachshund.

Just when I thought that teenage girls were about to run out of was to make themselves look like prostitutes artist Soomi Park comes up with something entirely new.

I have no idea if these things will ever be available in the USA but I’m sure every Hanna Montana wannabe will want some.

Are you a double amputee (legs only) with no life and no plans for halloween? Would you mind sharing your time with some psychopath from Brooklyn who’d like to humiliate you?

This is for you then:

Even morons can use the internet

OK so I think I stole that title from EL Docotrow’s Ragtime. But I just read about Edwin Merwin Jr. and Jim Ulmer , a couple of South Carolina county officials who happen to be Republicans.

Apparently a South Carolina newspaper published the following:

“There is a saying that the Jews who are wealthy got that way not by watching dollars, but instead by taking care of the pennies and the dollars taking care of themselves,” according to the piece published Sunday in The Times and Democrat of Orangeburg.

Once I got over the shock that there are actually newspapers in South Carolina (actually I was shocked that they might contain more than comics). I noted the fall out from the county officials remarks. Bill Nigut, SE Regional Director of the Anti-Defamation League, says an apology is not enough!

Now days, outrage is, well, all the rage. These two dumb crackers are obviously not particularly insightful. They’re probably insensitive. But I have to ask, like Peter Beinart, since when is calling someone fiscally responsible an insult? Those who look for insult will generally find it. Seems like there might be better things to find offensive than a couple of low-level South Carolina bureaucratic buffoons. They certainly don’t seem worthy of outrage.

I’m sure someone will be outraged that I don’t share the outrage. Sorry, I save my outrage for judicial corruption, police brutality, unambiguous and abject acts of prejudice and bigotry, overt dishonesty. I’m not even outraged at people who are inappropriately outraged.

Merwin and Ulmer displayed, at best, simple stupidity. Or maybe that’s “simpleton” stupidity.

We spend way too much time watching TV. I drains our intellect and dulls our senses. Why should be be surprised that TV-watching families of technogeeks like the Heenes hatch a story about their son “Falcon” being whisked away on a helium balloon?

We may never know how responsible Falcon is for his parents efforts to duped the masses of hyper-salivating mouth breathers glued to the TV. I guess I should be relieved that his parents used him that way instead of making him ride in the back of the pickup truck with the empty beer cans…

If they get their own reality show maybe it will work out better than John and Kate Plus Eight. Maybe the parents in end up in prison for this stunt. Now that would be a cool reality show…

It seems that a the Australian state of Victoria has an annual carnival. This year someone got the bright idea that they should have a dwarf racing competition called the ‘Midget Cup.’ You can see it on YouTube (for now) here.

It’s hard to understand who was upset. It’s not like the jockeys were tortured. It’s not like anyone made fun of the riders. Maybe it’s a civil rights group for tall people who protested. Now if they’d had a road-kill eating contest, that would be tasteless…

Sorry, I thought I was gone but I’m not. The world is just too twisted. Too stupid. Too sick. I can’t stand it and I’m going to let you enjoy the folly with me.